You know you're Australian if...

• You know the meaning of the word "girt"
• You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
• You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
• When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.
• You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
• You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
• You believe the "i" in the word "Australia" is optional.
• You can translate : " Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas".
• You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
• You call your best friend "total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just " a bit of a bastard".
• You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
• You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
• You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
• You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
• Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
• You wear ugg boots outside the house.
• You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
• Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
• You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.
• You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
• You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
• You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
• Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
• You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
• You understand that all bus timetables are works of fiction.
• When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.